Better BI

Chris Gerrard – Exploring the world of Better Business Intelligence

Psst – Wanna Buy a Dashboard?

with one comment

Have I got a deal for you. This Dashboard is specifically tailored to people just like you, with your pressing business issues, concerns, information needs, and analytical and reporting requirements.

Our Highly Paid Consultants created this Dashboard based on their Highly Remunerative Engagements with Executives and Business Leaders in your industry, including some of your partners and competitors.

We’re confident that the money they paid us was more than adequate to cover the cost of building this Dashboard in their environments and we’re pleased to be able to offer you the opportunity to leverage our Highly Paid Experience in their employ and acquire a Dashboard Just Like Theirs that will provide Strategic Business Value to you in your Executive Capacity.

By leveraging our Industry Leading Experience and employing our Standard Methodological Process via our Institutionalized Templated Project Plans we will be able to install your Dashboard in short order, with only the wiring up of the complex, impenetrable data backplane to your organization’s unique mix of custom operational systems left to do.

And we have just the staff of regimented, organized, fully industrialized workers to perform this Too Complex For You custom wiring, with no need for your people to get their hands dirty. At the Low, Low price of How Much Do You Have To Spend?

The best part of all this is that your new dashboard is guaranteed to be the envy of Boardrooms and Executive Suites across your industry. We leverage all the full spectrum of marketware best practices in designing the Incredibly Attractive Visualizations that are guaranteed to produce the Wow! factor that only the highest-placed executives can truly appreciate.

You will have

  • Archive Quality Photo Realistic Bulb Thermometers!
  • Dial Gauges!
    licensed from the leading Italian Automotive Design Studios!
  • Glistening, dripping wet-look 4D Lozenge Torus Charts!
    skinned with Authentic Southwest Arizona Diamondback scale patterns!
  • Fully Immersive Holodeck Multi Dimensional Data Flyby Zones!
  • Many more too numerous to mention!

Step right up.
Step right up.

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Written by Chris Gerrard

November 30, 2011 at 10:19 am

Posted in Bad BI

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One Response

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  1. […] people understand their business through achieving information and insights from their data. see: Psst – Wanna Buy a Dashboard? and: How Big BI Fails To Deliver Business […]


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